I had never even considered breastfeeding until my
husband brought it up and my initial response was "no way am I gonna
do that". He told me that he thought it would be the healthiest way to
feed our baby and he couldn't understand why I was so against it, so I
started doing some reading up on breastfeeding in order to argue
against it logically. To my surprise, the more I read the more I
realized that the many benefits to our baby (and to me) far outweighed
any negative image I had about exposing myself in public and my fear
of the commitment it would take.
By the time Jacob was born I had read a couple of
books on nursing and I was determined that it was something I had to do
for my child. The complete turnaround I did on the subject pleased my
husband and baffled my mother who had tried - and failed - to breastfeed
me when I was born. I explained to her that I had been against it to
begin with but had changed my mind after I learned how much it would
benefit our baby and she soon became very supportive of our decision.
Little did I know just how much we would need her
support! On the joyful day that Jacob finally arrived we asked the
recovery room nurse for help in getting started with breastfeeding him -
it was just a little more difficult because he had been born via
cesarean section. We didn't have much luck in the recovery room,
probably because I was still a little bit out of it and Jacob just
wanted to sleep.
Once I was taken to a regular room, and the nurse
brought Jacob back to us after being bathed, weighed and tested, we
tried again to nurse him. I couldn't move around much because of the
incision so I was glad to have my husband around to help position Jacob
and move him from one side to the other. We still didn't have too
much luck as Jacob didn't want to do much more than sleep.
We had Jacob room in with us and my mother stayed the
first night to help out but it was tough, between nurses coming in and
waking us up every couple hours, trying to feed Jacob every other hour,
and worrying about whether or not he was getting enough.
The nurses had us keeping track of how long he would
feed off of each breast and how many diapers he was going through, along
with whether they were wet or dirty or both, but the nurses actually
weren't too helpful with our concerns about whether we were doing things
properly.
The next day my doctor came to check on me, we talked
about how the breastfeeding was going and he was surprised that the
nurses hadn't asked a lactation consultant to come visit with us. He
requested that a consultant come in to see us right away and the timing
was perfect because by this time Jacob's blood sugar level was dropping
and the nurses were encouraging us to supplement with formula.
According to the lactation consultant Jacob and I
hadn't learned proper latch-on techniques and since he wasn't really
getting much for all the work he was having to do, he had no real
incentive to keep trying. She brought us in a syringe and a couple
bottles of glucose water and showed us how to use the syringe to squirt
over the nipple while Jacob was learning to latch so that he would know
he was going to get a reward for the work we were asking him to do.
Unfortunately for us, our lactation consultant had 17 new mothers in the
maternity ward that day that she was trying to help so we had very
little time with her and we were left to fend for ourselves after our
initial lesson with the syringe.
Because Jacob was showing many signs on hunger, and
his blood sugar level was being tested four times a day, the second day
of his life turned out to be the most stressful. My husband, who
had been so supportive and pushed the breastfeeding all along, was ready
to give up and give formula to our baby - anything to stop the crying.
As tough as it was to go through, I felt in my heart that we could do it
and that breastfeeding was best for our baby. In the end I could
not face the frustration of both my husband and my new baby at the same
time and ended up having to send him home in the middle of the night
(the husband, not the baby) and call my mother to come back to the
hospital to help me. I think my husband was both sad and relieved
at the prospect of spending a peaceful night at home instead of with all
of us crying it out at the hospital.
I could easily have given up that night and I can
definitely see why so many mothers who attempt to breastfeed don't do it
for very long. I understand that breastfeeding your child for even one
day gives an infant benefits he could never receive from formula and I
believe that any mother who at least tries to nurse her child should be
proud of her efforts, however I also knew that I would regret it later
if I gave in to the urge to quit and let someone else feed my child so
he would quit crying for the moment and I could get some sleep.
Since we've been through this struggle together my
mother says she now understands that the reason she "failed" when trying
to breastfeed me is because of a lack of support and understanding, and
I am ever so grateful that she didn't let her previous experiences get
in the way of helping Jacob and I enjoy a nursing relationship. As hard
as the first few days were, I know now that I would have missed one of
the most magnificent experiences life can offer had I taken the easy
route and given up.
